my journey to Gabriel's birth

Reflecting back on the months leading up to Gabriel's birth, the word "journey" constantly comes to mind.  In the beginning, we thought we had everything (somewhat) figured out, but as usual, God presented many twists and turns along the way... though He did not fail to guide us and to provide in the end.

40 weeks to prepare

When I wrote up Dominic's Birth Story some 2 year ago, I remember feeling like much of it needed to be censored.  Although I would go through it 77 times over if it meant bringing my lovely baby boy in the world, it was definitely a difficult and overwhelming event.  I felt torn between the joy of holding my perfect little newborn, and the trauma of enduring so much pain and fear.  When we discovered that we were expecting another precious blessing, I knew that I wanted this birth experience to be different.

For most of my pregnancy, I tried to simply remain open.  I knew that a c-section was a large possibility, and I wanted to be OK with that.  I also found an OB who was willing to let me try a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesearian), because if possible, I understood many of the benefits that this natural birthing method could bring (avoiding surgery, a lower risk of complications during birth, a faster and easier recovery, lower risks of complications with future pregnancies/deliveries).  We decided to trust my OB's recommendation, which would mainly be based on the estimated size of the baby.  He told us that for some women, a baby weighing 9 lb 2 oz (Dominic's birth weight), is simply too big for their pelvis.  So, we decided to wait, watch my belly grow, and hopefully make the best informed decision when we were ready.

Of course, here came some of those twists and turns...  At 28 weeks in my pregnancy, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  This meant that due to pregnancy hormones, the insulin in my body was not properly converting my blood sugars into energy, causing the baby to intake too much glucose which can turn into fat.  Thus, the biggest risk with this complication is a "too large" baby.  Though my tests revealed that I was borderline, I decided to take action and do my best to control my blood sugar levels through my diet.  I attended classes, checked my blood sugar frequently throughout the day, and obviously adjusted some of my diet.  I was determined to do everything I could to keep my baby and I healthy!

My next small obstacle occurred when I was transferred to a new OB during my 35th week.  It was only at that time that I learned that my current doctor would be on leave and not able to deliver my baby.  This caused me much anxiety, because I did not feel as though I could get to know my OB well enough to trust his birth recommendation, and felt a strong lack of support for a possible VBAC.

In some ways, this change was a blessing, because it set me off into research mode.  Along the way, I discovered several tools that started to shape my plan for Gabriel's birth.  Some of these included www.spinningbabies.com, http://www.vbac.com and the film documentary "The Business of Being Born".  I also spoke to a couple of friends who had had previous VBACs, and was absolutely amazed to hear how different and positive their birth experiences were.  I discovered that there are so many factors involved in a successful natural birth, apart from simply the size of the baby.  These include the baby's position in the womb, whether the mother goes into labor on her own, the positions the mother labors in, and even whether or not she chooses to get an epidural.  

Overall, my findings were exhilarating, reassuring, but also slightly terrifying.  As my scheduled c-section date approached, I felt more and more anxious about the procedure.  I prayed fervently that God would make my decision easier by sending me into labor before the surgery date.  As the date drew closer and earlier labor seemed unlikely, Michael and continued to offer up our decision in prayer, and the more we let God guide us, the worst we felt about scheduling our son's birth.  Although I still remained open to the possibility of surgery, I felt more convinced that letting my baby and body go into labor on its own was the best-case scenario.  The idea of trying to birth my baby naturally and ending up in surgery, rather than in scheduling our birth brought much more peace.  So, on the day of my scheduled surgery, I simply did not go to the hospital.  It was one of the most empowering thing I've ever done-- claiming control over the decisions made about my body and my baby!

In my research, I also became aware that to lower my risks of having a c-section, a natural, drug-free labor would be my best friend.  Again, some fear set in about this, for Michael and I had not done any natural childbirth preparation this time around!  I spoke to a friend who suggested hiring a doula, as she had done for her last birth.  A doula is someone who is trained in providing non-medical support during the birth process, in many ways, a personal labor coach to help us along the way.  I knew almost nothing about doulas at the time, but was desperate for support.  I felt almost silly, at 38 weeks pregnant, calling around and seeking an available doula!  Within two days of research however, I met Lauren and something simply felt right-- we had our doula!!

From there I started working on exercises to help coax the baby into an optimal birthing position (he was still posterior, or "sunny-side up").  Another precaution we took was to find a chiropractor in the area who specialized in prenatal adjustments.  I met with her for my last two-weeks, to make sure that my spine and muscles were balanced, to once again ensure optimal positioning of the baby.  I still do not know if it made a big difference, but we were willing to do whatever it took to make this birth positive!

39-weeks into my pregnancy, I went in for what would be my last prenatal appointment.  I was less than a week away from my due-date, and although effaced, the doctor shared that I had not dilated and the baby was still in a high position.  He then went on to casually suggest that my pelvis seemed "too small" to deliver this baby, and that he recommended a c-section if I went past my due date.  He was looking in my charts at the size of our first baby, and weighing the increased risks of another large baby due to my diabetes.  In the end, I left the office feeling completely deflated and confused.  I figured that I should respect a professional's medical advice, but at the same time, I was torn because it felt so wrong in my heart!

Following more prayer, we decided that this was not a decision that needed to be rushed.  After all, I was still several days away from my actual due date!  We thought that perhaps if I did not go into labor soon, God would soften our hearts to the idea of a planned surgery.  We also felt comforted by Lauren's reminder me that God created women's bodies to give birth, and that even if a Caesarian resulted, there were many positive reasons to wait for labor (such as our baby being ready, necessary hormones being released, increased chances of being able to breastfeed immediately.

As my due-date (Aug. 7) came and went, I tried hard not to stress.  I believed that for some reason, God did not want me to go in for this c-section!  I pushed my OB appointment back a few days, to give us more breathing room.  We were not ready to make any changes to our birth plan at this point!  More than anything though, I have to give the credit to my amazing and supportive husband, who didn't let me doubt God's will.  Michael reminded me that God was in charge, and that we had to take everything one day at a time.  He was my rock, faithful that God had a different plan for this birth!

On Aug. 9, I woke up very emotional (though now I can blame it on hormones)!  I cried as Michael left for work, feeling overcome that I had to get through another week feeling so uncomfortable, exhausted and overwhelmed with my daily responsibilities.  That being said, I did what most women would do, and headed to the mall for some serious shopping therapy.  As soon as we stepped into the air-conditioned center, I felt my first labor contraction.  Still unsure that it was actual labor however, we stayed and I preoccupied myself with window-shopping for the afternoon.  When I met Michael at home, my contractions were about 10-minutes apart.  I told him that although I wasn't in any pain, I had a feeling that this might be "it".  Regardless, I decided not to skip my mom's night out meeting that evening-- being distracted by good company seemed like the best idea!  The contractions continued steadily, and I started to feel more excited and confident that I was in labor!  I got home at 10pm, and told Michael that he was probably not going to be going to work the next day.  Then I headed right to bed to attempt getting rest before I became too uncomfortable.

Gabriel's Birthday

At about midnight, Dominic woke up with a nightmare, and feeling very maternal, I wanted to go up and comfort him.  I lied in his room for a little while, resting and relaxing through my contractions, despite the fact that they were getting more intense.  After my sweetheart fell asleep, I started packing for the hospital.  At about 12:45am my contractions were about 5 minutes apart and 45-seconds in length, and I asked Michael to start helping me relax through him.  Still lieing in bed, he would put a little pressure on my back, and this helped me to stay calm.

Within the hour, we quickly noticed things progressing-- we were definitely in active labor!  We listened to spiritual music and I leaned over an exercise ball while Michael rubbed my lower back and we breathed through the contractions.  This quickly became my favorite position and pain-coping technique!  Around 3:45am we called our families to tell them the baby was on the way!  I continued to listen to music and use the exercise ball.  By 4:30am though, I was having a hard time getting comfortable, and feeling that it was definitely time to get ready to head the hospital.

We left for Hoag at 5am, and even as a woman in labor, I could see some humor in our car ride situation.  Unable to get into a comfortable seated position, we blasted the radio and I sang at the top of my lungs to try to stay distracted.  When we could not find a song that I wanted to listen to, I resorted to simply yelling and breathing out loud "Ahhhss" through my contractions.  Michael was going about 85 miles/hr, and we were feeling grateful that it was too early to experience any traffic!

We got to the hospital in about 20 minutes, and I literally pushed myself out of the car and onto my hands and knees.  It felt so good to be able to get into a different position other than sitting!  There was a doctor outside who quickly wheeled us to the labor and delivery floor.

Around 5:45am, the nurse checked me and I was 8cm dilated!  This was a big surprise to us, since my labor had been so long with Dominic.  I was happy and encouraged about our progress, despite the intense pain I was experiencing.  

As I dilated to 10cms and began feeling the urge to push, I started truly struggling to relax.  My utter exhaustion was mainly helping me along.  More than anything though, I kept wondering and feeling nervous about how long the pushing would take.  In my previous experience, I literally pushed for an entire day (taking breaks along the way), and I could not help but worry that this would happen again.  There was no way I could endure these labor pains for several more hours!  The thoughts of this previous trauma kept making it more and more difficult for me to focus and relax, and so by 6:50am I was ready for my epidural.

Getting the epidural gave me such mixed feelings this time around.  I was relieved about the break from the pain and a chance to rest, but I also think that we felt a little defeated, as though now we had just signed up for the c-section we had worked so hard to avoid.  Regardless, it was neat feeling my contractions still getting stronger, and the urge to push did not go away!  We rested for a couple of hours, and I felt very excited that I would soon be holding my baby boy...

Around 9:15 am we started to push, and at this point I was so grateful I had the epidural.  Despite the lack of labor pain, my nerves got to me again.  I was shaking and absolutely terrified of what was to happen.  I have to admit, that I do not think I was pushing very hard at first!  Veronica, our nurse, was wonderful and extremely motivating though, and she coached me to push harder.  It did not take long before we could see sweet Gabriel's head emerging, and it was at this point that Michael's energy completely changed.  He announced excitedly that "this looked very different than last time!".  I asked to see a mirror, and sure enough, things were truly progressing!  We gave a few more pushes, while the nurses paged the doctor.  The baby started crowning, and I even had to force myself not to push through a few contractions until the doctor arrived!  As soon as he got there, it only took a couple of contractions, and my little boy was in my arms.

I still can't put into words the amazing experience it was to give birth to my baby.  The doctor placed him immediately on my chest, we heard him cry, and I embraced the little person who had lived in my womb for so long.  He was too beautiful!  I was literally on cloud nine.  So much was going on around me, nurses preparing upcoming procedures, Michael taking photos, Judy making phone calls, the Dr. taking care of everything else-- but all I could see was my baby.  I will never forget this moment!  It was absolutely perfect.

Although I learned so much about labor and birth from this experience, more than anything, it was truly one of spiritual growth.  I struggled along the way, constantly doubting and asking God "why", but in the end, the answer was much more beautiful than I could have ever hoped for.  I pray that as I continue to mature spiritually, I can stopping asking God "why", and start trusting immediately.  He always has a reason!!  St. Gabriel, pray for us!